It was a gloriously sunny day, with a brilliant blue sky. I couldn’t wait to get up in the air. In the autumn gloom, it had been difficult to find a decent flying day, and we pilots need to stretch our wings.
I hadn’t been at the farm airfield we fly from for quite some time. I no longer felt particularly welcome there anymore. Now, I was sitting in the aeroplane waiting for the engine to warm up so I could take off into the clear blue.
In front of us, John crossed the field and started walking down the runway. There had been some discussion as to whether the runway would be firm enough to land on, but why was he stepping out in front of us? I couldn’t take off with anything else on the runway, and I was nearly ready to roll.
No-one was in the clubhouse to hear my radio call, “but make it anyway,” said my husband and flying partner, sitting next to me. When I then said, “Lining up on 21 for immediate departure” he exploded. “Are you mad? You can’t take off with a man on the runway? And you talk about wanting to polish your procedures!”
It was true, I had commented that I felt unsure of some of the strict rules of the airways that never got used in this rather informal environment. It was also true he’d felt as if he were gunning for me since we got in the cabin together. I had tried not to let the barrage of helpful comments rattle me, but at this stage, there was only one thing to do. I switched off the mags. The engine spluttered but didn’t cut out. Even that I didn’t do right. He had to finally close the throttle before silence descended.
I kept thinking about the quote I had seen that morning. “You are only one thought away from happiness, and one thought away from sadness. It is all your choice.” Was I just making a scene and spoiling a beautiful day? The only time I had ever had a problem was when I once went flying and was in a rush. Being rattled isn’t the right frame of mind to start a flight.
He was surprised at my reaction and we tried to repair the day. “Go on, let’s go up!” he encouraged me. I started up again, but as I went through my checks, I made a mistake. This time I turned and taxied back to the hangar. He didn’t argue when I told him why. In flying, there is no room for a mistake on a safety check. Then you really are unfit to fly. It is too dangerous to think you can wing it when you are up there.
We took off later with him at the helm. I sat and wept as I looked down at the sharply etched fields bathed in sunshine. I knew I had done the right thing by not flying, but I had let a long series of little niggles throw me off track. It had started much earlier with comments from other club members, being told off constantly about what I said and did. I had got there feeling sensitive and unwelcome, and nothing had changed.
I will take a winter break from flying, I thought. This is a toxic environment for me, and best avoided. I sat silently in a cloud of self-pity and anger at myself, but eventually the joy of being airborne brought back a smile to my face. I realised what I had done. I had handed over power to people who didn’t deserve it and let them influence me and my inner peace. I didn’t have to let anyone rattle me or my confidence, not today, not ever. Yes, I could get it wrong, but how I handled that, was up to me.
The day clouded over, but not for me. I had a fantastic time later going up with a friend in his new plane. I felt excited by flying again, I learnt new things in a different plane, and I managed a smile at everyone in the clubhouse.
Why let anyone take your inner peace from you? It really is always all your choice. Make the right one.
Reframe Coaching 